It isn't always what you think…
We talk with so many of our friends on the street, across all ages and all backgrounds. They tell us their stories. How they ended up homeless … What went wrong.
We hear of unscrupulous landlords, of sanctions and caps. They tell us tales of domestic abuse, controlling partners, child abuse and neglect. But one thing that doesn't get much of an airing is when it is the child who is doing the abusing. But it happens. It happens more than we realise.
Its known as Child to Parent Violence, or CPV.
Its known as Child to Parent Violence, or CPV.
So, for today's blog I'd like to introduce Helen
Bonnick. Based in London, Helen has been aware of CPV since the
early 1980s, but has been active in research and blogging for the last 11
years. She is now a leading campaigner in the field and runs the Holes in the
Wall website, which is unique in seeking to bring together into one place
everything that we know about this issue, and which is accessed right around
the world.
So I'll pour us a mug of coffee and
hand over!
Helen's words...
About ten years ago I became interested in a little
known aspect of family violence as a result of my experiences as a social
worker and through some study I undertook. As I tried to learn more, I found
that parents were keen to talk to me about their experience and I started
campaigning to develop better help and support. As I worked with professionals
who were also struggling to know what to do to bring about change for these
families I realised that one voice in particular was missing – that of the
child. That’s not unusual in situations of domestic violence though we are
better at understanding the impact on children of witnessing violence and abuse
than we were in the past, and working with them. However, this particular
aspect of family violence is when children and young people are abusive and
violent towards their parents and carers (sometimes called child to parent
violence or CPV).
There is far less known about this than any other
type of violence within the home, and yet we think it affects maybe as many as
10% of families with teenagers – families from any and all types of background,
and that it can start at a very young age. There is almost no training for
professionals on this, and many have never heard of it when they first
encounter a CPV situation in their work. Where people have been interviewed in
research it is almost always the parents, but without the important voice of
the child we risk making all sorts of assumptions about what is going on in the
family, and about past experiences, feelings, and relationships. Without the
proper knowledge and understanding it is difficult to bring about the change we
would like to see - to restore positive, healthy family relationships.
As I have listened to parents, and read the
literature it has become clear that there are many, many things that contribute
to a situation of growing abuse. I call them roots and routes. All families are
different, all young people are individual, all situations are unique. But we
can see many commonalities, and what I started to see was that most of the
young people were hurting and vulnerable. Sometimes they had witnessed things
they shouldn’t have to. Sometimes there were things going on in their lives
they felt unable to tell anyone about. Sometimes they felt their parents had
been unable to protect them. The anger and aggression were then an outpouring
of completely separate emotions and responses.
As families struggle to live with escalating levels
of violence and abuse some are lucky enough to find help. Some develop their
own ways of dealing with the situation, whether that is through the young
person going to live with another family member, or through the support of good
friends. But for some the outcome is that the young person has to leave home
completely, as parents feel unable to cope with the levels of fear, exhaustion
and despair that they experience. While that might bring a temporary relief for
the adults, it doesn’t really solve anything in the long run as now parents
cope with their guilt, and young people contend with the risks and violence of
the streets. Some may later return home, but many will now struggle even more
to find the therapy or support they desperately need.
I now speak at training events, am involved in
working groups on this subject. I run a website and am writing a book; as well
as continuing to support parents and families in my own community. I hope to
fill this gap in knowledge and to expand the help we can offer as I listen to
those who are affected, including the young people - and hearing their own,
individual stories.
Thank you Helen. A difficult subject.
If
you are affected by CPV, or are worried for your friends or relatives, there is
help out there. You can always contact the Parentline helpline run by Family
Lives
There is also help available from your local Domestic Violence
agency, CAMHS team or Youth Offending Service who may also be able to help. Adoptive
families may be able to find help through national Adoption charities.
Although Helen cannot offer
counselling to individuals, she can sometimes help to find an appropriate
agency.
You can find more services on her website
http://www.holesinthewall.co.uk
She is also on Twitter @helenbonnick
If you have a story to tell on her
website she’d love to hear from you. You can contact her via Holes in the wall.
Thank you Helen. Homelessness is growing month on month - and research tells us that one in every three young people approaching Local Councils for help, is turned away… Back to the streets… That is criminal.
Here at Beanies Masato we share information with you, act as a noticeboard for events and assistance, and sell stuff to help street homeless through our Buy1Give1 campaign.
The link follows:
http://www.masato.co.uk/collections/masato-homeless-support
